Adamantly Assertive Idealist

I can be quite idealistic

looking for perfection

in the things I do or
and the people I meet
It has much to do with trust
rather than being a picky person, to be honest.
So when I think about
why I am alone and
why do I not have another person with me?
to hold onto, I think critically of myself.

It seems like I
am the person at fault
and I
cannot change it ever because it is in my nature to be a perfectionist or
to look for a person who won't hurt me
as the past ones have.

I confide in humour sometimes
but it's only as a short hiatus, away from the truth.
It's also hilarious sometimes,
laughing
at how terribly weird I am
and that I would be alone because of
being adamantly assertive about my views.

It's not always fun though. I mean, it's the truth, I know.
But for how long
can you make a joke out of the truth in order to process it?