Problematically Beautiful

I might be a little shy or lack the best use of words to converse but I swear it's because I'm absolutely terrified of being judged. So I want to choose my words very very carefully, because I want our conversation and company to hold a safe space. I highly disregard conventional judgements; the ones which make the other person a little less happy about themselves. I have never gotten the point of those. Conventional beauty has always failed me and I failed myself every time I believed I needed to be better. I've always been like- "Oh I am not enough, I could never be that good, hell I'm not even close to being moderately beautiful" and I kid you not, I still do. It stifles me with feelings of so much self hatred, I have always been hard on myself.

It's failed me in every way, form and manner because that's how it has been in reality. I've been learning to let go of those thoughts. I've been learning to be a little kinder to myself. I've always secretly felt that I have a heaven lot of love to give, it shall always remain that way and only increase exponentially. But I'll maybe remind myself once in a while to drink an extra glass of water and save a little bit of that love for the times my conscience calls me a problematic bitch. 

I hope we all unlearn toxic elements and I hope it happens soon. We are worth so much more than ineffectual judgements and unsolicited apathy. We are worth all the possibly existing love in this entire world, truly.